Kamikaze Baseball

"Did you watch the baseball game yesterday?" I asked my sports obsessed Japanese teacher referring to the quarterfinal Japan vs. Korea game.

"Of course. Do you know Japanese word Kamikaze?" red flag

"Uhh, yeah, sacred wind, right?" I say thinking of grainy History Channel footage of evil karate kid headband bastards crashing into American ships full of inocent grandpas. We all have our false stereotypes. She continues, her voice as soft and clear as a cult member.

"Japan is very delicate country, and kamikaze protects us. This is how we beat the Korean team."

"Japan has the worlds second largest economy, and good pitching. It's not delicate." I said logically but defensively, "And it plays good small ball." I added diplomatically. I'm not going to abide by that poor pitiful Japan shit. In my opinion this whole World Baseball Classic has gone way off course with other countries not laying down like sacrificial lambs to be rightly slaughtered by American sluggers like the two bit banana republics that they are (kidding).

"Did you know that Japanese Emperor Prince, was in Mexico during their game against America? This gave Mexico special luck to beat America." She accented the 'mer' syllable like it was a bad word.

"Uh, no I... uh... I didn't know that. But Mexico has some good power hitting."

"Japan is a very special country, I think everyone in the world loves Japanese people"

"Kaneko sensei you know I love you, but I hate when you watch sports."

I watch the games in Japanese, which I hardly understand, and the play-by-play announcers must sound something like this:

"and Ichiro pop-ups out to left and the Sun Goddess blesses only Japan.."
"so desu, ne?" isn't that true.
"Next up is Kawasaki, who truly exemplifies the Japanese people. He is physically small yet deceivingly powerful, respectful, and never gives up. Here's the pitch. He's much like our young lions during the Russo-Japanese war. Ball one."
"so desu, ne?"

Last week was just a disaster baseball-wise. Monday's American victory over Japan was clearly due to an umpire's mistake, which every teacher wanted to explain to me. The more articulate teachers came at me with, "You know Max-Sensei, I'm not so sure that America won that game last night. In my opinion the umpire might have been wrong." One dude barely squeezed out, "Amerika" and crossed his arms into an X (I wonder if he was talkin' about baseball). Of course I agreed with them but I was still pretty stoked that we won. I mean I wasn't going to get all-uppity righteous and say, "Do you know American phrase, Manifest Destiny? America is a special country chosen by God to kick your ass in WWII then to refresh your memory by kicking it again in baseball." Which would have been the equivalent to all that 'sacred wind, Empire Prince special luck, delicate country' crap that I got. It didn't end there.

Wednesday the collective poker face that is the Japanese workplace erupts in spontaneous joy. Reason: America lost to Mexico thereby advancing Japan into the quarterfinals. "Screw alla y'all," I said as everyone looks at me for my reaction. They were ecstatic. I don't care if I'm the ugly American; I still want my country to win. Every one has the right to want their country to win at sports. Even as a crazy baldhead you gotta get up, stand up, stand up for your right. Right?

.....
To be continued