Sutras of a Winesoaked Buddha

Dispatches from the Rucksack Revolution

Friday, December 01, 2006

Debotchery in San Juan

Dear Reader

Unfortunately our worst fears are confirmed. I've only just recently received the following letter from the authorities in San Juan:


To Whom It May Concern:

As the Governor of the territory of Puerto Rico I feel it is my duty to inform you that your lost “creativity” has tbeen captured and later lost by the local police, agents of La Migra, and the United States Coast guard as he fled our custody in a brazen attempt to enter the United States under refugee status from Japan.

The description of him that you faxed to us perfectly corresponds to a man who spoke in a queer tongue referring to himself only as Zipacna. He was arrested late Wednesday night after drunkenly brandishing crude a blow gun at a local fish market. A spear, a pearl handled revolver, and 6 sharpened railroad spikes were also found on his person.

From the description of several witnesses including several women in his escort, he was heavily intoxicated on a variety of illicit chemicals. He was raving hysterically about the shrill screams and martial behavior of a Japanese Fascist Generalissimo he called Tsukashima. While we in San Juan are used to the disgusting behavior of the gringos, it is the utterance of this word, Tsukashima that I am writing you personally.

We don’t know if you are aware of this but the name Tsukashima is considered unmentionable on this island and has not been uttered for some time as it is connected to a series of savage rites preformed long before the arrival of Cortez. After merely hearing mention of this this name, several of the officers on the scene have failed to report to work and have resorted to mere beasts, descending into increasingly unacceptable violent, and, frankly—perversely savage behavior.

We will of course keep you informed as to the pursuit of Zipacna. Any help in understanding how your Zipacna came in contact with this name would be greatly appreciated.

Regards,

Carlos Jimenez
Governor of the Territory of Puerto Rico.

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