Hearing Jesus or Max`s Thanksgiving Tale

It`s been said that Americans can make an epic novel over a trip to the pharmacy. It is in this spirit that I write a pointlessly long slightly boring blog entry on going to the pharmacy....and hearing Jesus.

So for the past 3 weeks or so my hearing was getting worse and worse. When i was late to work because I didn`t hear my alarm ringing right next to my head I knew I had to do something about it. For those you who know me well you know that I`m not the most proactive person regarding health issues, and I like creative solutions. Case in point Aaron`s successful living room minor surgery. So after the lack of hearing had become intolerable I decided to fix the damn thing.

First Attempt: Pharmacy.

I ask, using hand language and sound effects asked for some sort of non-prescription ear drops (headtilted horizontaly and BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP effects) or something to ear-enema myself with (head tilted woooooosh effects). No dice. Bowing and appology furry ensue. result: FAIL

Second Attempt: 100 yen stor

I decided that I don`t need fancy medicines and such; I`ll solve my problem with a little creative thinking a turkey baster (99cents), a small bottle of rubbing alcohol (99cents), wine vineger (99 cents), and my stove. So I mix up the alchohol and viniger, heat it up pretty hot, and blast (baste?) my ears with it. It makes things much worse. Now my ears smell like a drunkerd, are slightly burned, and even more clogged than before. I admit defeat and set the morning alarm to vibrate. Result FAIL

Third Attempt: Hearing Jesus.

After my backyard surgery fix was unsuccessful, I decided to go to the hospital. The hospital system in Japan rules, but that not the point. So, I meet Hearing Jesus. He looks at my magnified ear, "naka ni berry berry hahto deshita ne? Takusan mimikuso arimasu." (Translation: It was very very hot inside wasn`t it. There is a lot of ear shit). The nurse slams (yes, slams) my head into the chair, "No move". Then Hearing Jesus sticks a funnel in my ear milimeters from my brain and turns on his Jesus-class ear shit removal vacumn to 11. I can hear (because it`s in the core of my ear) wax being pulled out after he painfully wiggles the buisness end of this thing around for a while. Then sticks in another cone. Using this one to seperate my ear canal...ouch he starts pulling wax out chopstick style. Sure enough there was "taksun mimikuso arimasu" and my hearing was so improved that I can hear the desperate cries of the flies complainig how cold it is. Lets enjoying hearing with hearing Jesus! Result: SUCCESS!!.

So this Thanksgiving I`m thankful to Hearing Jesus